I've figured that I've always been public and open about my weight loss journey (WLJ), but realized tonight that was because I had been successful. The past few months I've been quiet about what's happening with my WLJ because I've been feeling that I've "failed" myself.
You may remember from my past FMD posts that I had gained an extra 10lbs over winter break. In reality, once FMD didn't work out (and let's be real...it was a "fad" diet...deep down, I knew I wouldn't make it), I was happy with the extra ten; I still liked what I saw in the mirror; I had an ASS again!
Fast forward 2-3 months, the end of the school year approaches, I meet an awesome man, and I start to let go a bit...
I had a few moments of realization this summer that made me see that I really needed to buckle down and take control back of my life. The first was presenting on healthy eating and lifestyle at my National Convention this summer for ASA. I felt like a fraud standing up in front of this room of women, preaching about diet and exercise, when I was 15lbs over my goal weight. The second was being uncomfortable in my own skin...something that hasn't occurred in a very long time...to the point where I referred to myself as feeling "fat" the other day. I felt so sad for myself that I had gone back to using that word. The third, and biggest, was having to order new work pants for the upcoming year. I was mortified to tell my mother on the phone and have her respond "Oh dear..." MORTIFIED. How did I get here??? I knew about the right choices to make. I exercised all summer - I was the girl up at 6:00am for exercise classes while at convention in San Antonio. I logged more than 65 miles in 5 days biking in the Outer Banks. Were my eating habits THAT out of control that I was counteracting my exercise by THAT much that I landed at the point of being TWENTY THREE POUNDS over my goal weight?!?! Jeez Louise that was a wake up call. I had had enough. I've decided to make a real commitment to health again. As David and I agreed, the three month food and drink honeymoon is OVER!
How am I doing it this time? An AMAZING app I found called MyNetDiary
My new goal? To get back to my goal weight by Thanksgiving. That really requires me to be serious about this. That's 23lbs in 100 days. A lofty goal, realistically. Therefore, I'm secretly giving myself until Christmas, but am not using that as a crutch to cheat more than planned.
Luckily, David is on board and supportive of my getting healthier and happier again (isn't he the best?!). He's making positive changes himself too. It's exciting to finally have a real partner in this journey. Another goal is to cut back on the alcohol as well. I was never much of a drinker, but have been lately - and those sugary margaritas add up. I've given myself 3 special occasions where I will allow myself to drink in moderation - a bachelorette party and two weddings...three good occasions to pick if I do say so myself. I also really plan to stick to using my app and tracking my food, being honest with myself, and with YOU. So, check up on my progress whenever you feel like it!!
For now, I'll be happy to wear pants that are comfortable, no matter what the number says. I'll continue making better choices. I'll still hit the gym and burn calories and build muscle. I'll be proud of my progress, as small as it may be. And I will NEVER find myself using the word "fat" again.